Saturday, December 03, 2005

That Damn Holiday 

Last year, when this war on Christmas thing first came round, I was left a little in the dark. You see as a member of the loony left, the Kool-Aid secular progressive ACLU America-hater bastard that I tend to be, I guess I was just too busy burning the flag and passing out coupons for free abortions to notice that the left-wing secularists had finally launched an attack on Christmas. You see sometimes I don't check my email or phone messages for a couple of days and I end up a little behind on my part of destroying the fabric of America.

That, and I don't watch Faux News, which has kept me in the dark obviously.

But this year, thank god Fuax has started screaming so loudly about the plight of christians in America that now I can focus all my attention toward destroying that awful holiday (for which I am hoping for the new Ipod, not the nano, I have far too much music for that little thing.) Damn, I had no idea that christmas was so vulnerable to destruction until Jerry 'gays and lesbians brought down the world trade center' Falwell piped up.

So... where do I, just one man, start to destroy christmas?
I guess I'll run out and get my holiday tree for starters. Hepkitty wanted a Christmas tree, but I simply can't allow one of those things into this house. I will not have my new ipod sitting under a stinky old christmas tree you know.

Then I guess I should go out and get some new holiday ornemants. Faux was selling some holiday ornaments, but I guess they have run out because all the have now are these christmas ones. I guess I'll just have to get the ACLU holiday ornemants, if they have any...

Lets see, what else?
Oh yeah, I have to get an osama bin laden action figure to stick into my nativity scene, right next to a doll of an unwed pregnant teenager. Don't worry, I'm going to have osama facing west, cause this isn't about him.

Well, now i'm at a loss... I can't think of any other ways to destroy christmas... I guess i'll just have to stick to our insidious plan of flag burning, abortions for everyone, and wishing everyone i meet a happy holiday at the top of my lungs. If any one can think of others ways that i can go about ruining the holiest day on the christian calendar, drop me an email. There are only 22 attacking days left till christmas, and i would hate to miss any opportunity to wreck the holiday so we don't have it again next year.

And remember, I want at least the 40Gig iPod, the 60 would be nice, but I'm not greedy. (Oh! and it should play video, I have a TiVo you know, and would love to watch Adult Swim during my lunch break at work)

Have a good weekend all!


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